Blue

His father was so happy when he was born. So was his mother. “We have a son, Ganaa” was carved by his father on the waiting room wall of the hospital, and it stayed there for 10 years. The son didn’t let his father down till he turned 2 years old. He didn’t even know that his father wanted to play football with him. After his son learned to walk, his father bought him a football. But something was wrong. That black and white ball was not interesting for the boy at all.
But hanging around his mother in the kitchen was more interesting for him. He turned three and then four. The father lost his hope to play football with his son. And the tanks and cars with soldiers were left in the toy box untouched. The boy had his eye on the girls’ Barbies at the kindergarten. But he never had the courage to ask his parents to buy a Barbie when he went to toy store. He stayed in the bedroom when he was home. Nobody knew that he used to play with his mother’s make up. When he went out, he avoided other boys, who were playing with guns and swords. Instead he played with girls in the sand. But the girls didn’t want to play with him because he was a boy. His father didn’t know about it because he always went out with the boy’s mother. But one Sunday at midday, his father brought him outside. He got angry when he saw his son going to the sand to play with girls, dragging his truck. “Go play with those boys, you are a man, but acting weak like a girl.” With these words the boy ran inside with tears in his eyes. “Weak like a girl….” He didn’t know, of course, that these words would haunt him for the rest of his life.
He once dared to ask his mother to buy him a Barbie when he was six. The mother sighed deeply, and that evening she brought a small box with Barbie in it. She said “Don’t show it to your father” with sadness in her eyes. But the son was so happy he didn’t notice the sadness in his mother’s eyes. Luckily his father always came back from work late, so the boy could play with the Barbie all day and hide it in the storage room before his father comes back. If his father didn’t see him playing with the Barbie, when he comes back from work…. But early one day he did. Then his father left after an argument with his mother. He never came back. The son was not that sad for his father.
The spring that he turned 6, he started to see an elder boy from his neighborhood. That spring, with the blossoms of lilies, love came to him. That’s when he found out why is he so different from others. He was gay. But he thought it is fine as long as he has his mother, the boy he fell in love with, and his dream. His dream is to “become a woman…”